Look: I am eager to learn stuff I don't know--which requires actively courting and posting smart disagreement.

But as you will understand, I don't like to post things that mischaracterize and are aimed to mislead.

-- Brad Delong

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Everything that appears on this blog is the copyrighted property of somebody. Often, but not always, that somebody is me. For things that are not mine, I either have obtained permission, or claim fair use. Feel free to quote me, but attribute, please. My photos and poetry are dear to my heart, and may not be used without permission. Ditto, my other intellectual property, such as charts and graphs. I'm probably willing to share. Let's talk. Violators will be damned for all eternity to the circle of hell populated by Rosanne Barr, Mrs Miller [look her up], and trombonists who are unable play in tune. You cannot possibly imagine the agony. If you have a question, email me: jazzbumpa@gmail.com. I'll answer when I feel like it. Cheers!

Friday, February 12, 2010

What the Hell?!? Friday - All Original Tom Swifties

"Clinton didn't waste any time getting that angioplasty," Tom said, instantly.

"Beating a dead what?" Tom said, hoarsely.

"So what if I entered through the window," Tom said, indifferently.

"Look how smooth I've made this plank," Tom said, plainly.

"I'm tired of carpentry," Tom said, feeling board.

"Here is the sum of all your numbers," Tom added.
"You're too stout, Tom said, emphatically.

"I'm in bed," Tom lied.

"I spent the night with a call girl," Tom said, horribly.

"She's not the one I met in the bar," Tom said, tartly.

"I'm the one who let her in," Tom admitted.

"I've located a highly-paid expert," Tom said, profoundly.

"What is your orientation?" Tom queried, gayly.

"Well, here I am, alone on the glacier," Tom said, isolatedly.

This might be the clumsiest of all Tom Swifties: "I didn't mean to knock your teeth out with my wood chopper," Tom said, accidentally.

1 comment:

Jillien said...

These were wonderful! I especially loved how smooth he made the plank and how indifferent he was about coming in through the window :-D